All Columns in Alphabetical Order

Monday, April 30, 2012

Listen to This: How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age By Dale Carnegie & Associates Our Coverage Sponsored by Stribling and Associates

For over 30 years, Stribling and Associates has represented high-end residential real estate, specializing in the sale and rental of townhouses, condos, co-ops, and lofts throughout Manhattan and Brooklyn, and around the globe. Stribling has more than 200 professional brokers who use their respected expertise to provide personalized service to buyers and sellers at all price levels. A separate division, Stribling Private Brokerage, discreetly markets properties over $5 million, and commands a significant market share in this rarified sector of residential real estate. Stribling is the exclusive New York City affiliate of Savills, a leading global real estate advisor with over 200 office in 48 countries.

We keep telling you, it's not who you know, it's Whom You Know and for over seventy-five years, Dale Carnegie's advice about being able to influence those around you has proven the test of time, and one of the most valuable ways to translate his maxims today is through social media and influence those around you in the modern world.  His advice has never been so helpful as today: you can reach so many with just a few clicks on the keyboard whether you are reposting on Facebook, retweeting on Twitter, or having something written about you on Whom You Know.  Though Carnegie has been gone since 1955, these six cd's of wisdom reapplied to practical situations today in the digital age are totally relevant and essential to business and personal success now.  Interestingly enough, we find that the actual insights of Carnegie will be the hardest for many to employ rather than the practical implications of retweeting and the actual digital actions.  Knowing how to apply these ideas is the key to influencing, not the actual tapping of the keyboard.  This book will improve your communications skills: no matter what level they are at now, we all can improve.  We need to communicate better because today we communicate more.  We were thrilled to work with Simon and Schuster on this audiobook because it is so essential for both our editorial features and our readers themselves-and often times they are one and the same!

Early on, the idea that every interaction is an opportunity is presented.  We all know this, but do we all recognize it, act on it, and capitalize on it?  Neutral exchanges are rare; the art of interaction leaves one with a more positive or more negative feeling of your influence.  You need to concentrate on what you can control-you cannot always control how others react- and by shifting the focus on yourself, you are in greater command of situations.  Carnegie says never to complain, condemn or criticize: in short, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  Remember, your emails can be forwarded! [Notice we have never published a negative review.  That's not to say we don't have negative experiences, however! If something is quite negative we don't write on it at all, and you see there are varying degrees of positive printed.]  Carnegie also advises to make your competitors your collaborators and don't burn bridges.

Find the good in people.   A compliment goes a long way!  When you find the good in someone and accentuate the positive, that is a feeling of paying it forward.  Think about Logue in The King's Speech, and if you haven't seen that movie, you should.  One person, Logue, had the discernment to see the good in Bertie who of course becomes King George VI.  We want to make your life better through what we feature and promote on Whom You Know and listening to these six cd's are guaranteed to do just that, provided you listen to them and apply the ideas to your own life.

Set yourself apart: be gracious.  Focus on what you have in common with those you are trying to connect to.  When Lincoln was trying to solve the problems of the Civil War, he focused on the fact that both the North and the South had a common American history.

Take interest in others interests.  Remember names and what is important to those around you, and you obviously must be genuine about it.  Address people by name.  Repeat their names.  Use their names.  Learn the names of their children, their get the idea!  Consider what matters to other people.  People do business with people they like.  Business is about one person reacting to another.  Smiles send a message we like to receive-when you smile, the world smiles with you.  How do we smile across all media?  And how do we listen?  The importance of listening cannot be emphasized enough because unless you listen, you won't know how to act.  If you listen and learn, you live more harmoniously.

Win others Trust.  Value interdependence over independence.  Connect your goals to form win-win situations.  Someone else is more likely to retweet you if you retweet them!  It's all about TEAM.  What can you do to help others succeed? Think about the #FF on Twitter on Fridays...and be sure to add Manhattanpeachy to yours!

Avoid common arguments-don't participate in them.  You can't have an argument with only one party.  Avoid telling people they are wrong with words; don't show judgement.   Say "and" not "but" when you have criticism after giving positive feedback in conjunction with it.  Diplomacy is key to success.  Gentleness and friendliness is stronger than force.

And, if you make a mistake, come clean quickly and clearly.  Negative news spreads fast.  Successful leaders initiate apologies.  Learn from experiences and move on.  Value resilience.

In practicing all of these actions that you control, you also must keep in mind that respect must always exist for a successful relationship of any kind, nevermind just considering influence, and etiquette too.  We recall Oprah and Dr. Phil saying that you teach people how to treat you...

What you get is determined by who you are, not by what you want.  Start with YES and have an attitude of gratitude: share credit where credit is due.  Begin conversations with appreciation.

When you are a leader, ask questions instead of giving direct orders.  If you want to turn a ship around, interview those that work with you to gain their perspective and input.  By asking questions, you will be able to link common goals.  A serious shirt of morale can be achieved when you ask questions rather than direct orders.  Questions stimulate creativity and innovation and give others a sense of ownership and involvement in the shaping of a path.  People do not like to be ordered around-it's human nature.  And ask others to give self-appraisals: this has a positive influence and often times, they are spot-on.

Mitigate fault and consider how to make others save face.  Separate the person from the failure: say that the project fails, rather than the actual person, and don't broadcast failures online!  Address them in person or on a phone call.  Remember, some day you may be the one who fails!  On the reverse, magnify improvement.  Praise and encourage.  Make praise specific and praise publicly.  Be considerate.  Be supportive.  Develop those around you.  Find ways to motivate others.  It is one thing to be great but it is quite another to make those around you greater.

Finally, you need to understand all of this needs to be done in moderation.  No one is going to influence the world overnight and oftentimes, overnight success takes decades!  But in making small changes in your life, you will over time gain influence by acting to be the best you.  We believe what goes around comes around.  

Social Media is a tool and you need to be the right person using it following all of these principles outlined for you practically in your digital situations and opportunities.  From a branding standpoint, it all must flow from the CEO.  Social Media of a brand must be supported from the top down.  This work details an excellent example of Virgin America's successful marketing campaign detailed on these cd's.  Social Media makes it easier for brands to capitalize on charitable efforts.  And, for all of you CEO's reading this, the most effective brands have leadership that is reachable, accessible, and beyond that, personable.  Relational proximity is key to social media success.  You should be the one leading this: not a social media employee.   Your first task is the business of humanity.  Think and act in an interactive way.

The bottom line for brands: Connect to your clients and audience and stay connected on common ground.  Engage those around you, and they'll smile back!  Make sure your communication has precision because the networks have never been wider.  It is all about having the right relationships, which now can be created through the internet.  Be visible in an excellent way!  Be sure to show the right content with the right motivations behind it.

How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age By Dale Carnegie & Associates is Highly Recommended by Whom You Know and it is a must listen to for everyone
 that is interested in having success in marketing, influencing, and living!

Note from Peachy: If you have been featured and are in good standing, you receive Peachy's Top Tips for social media success periodically and those literally detail what you should do and we advise employing Carnegie's principles stated here!



DALE CARNEGIE’s commonsense approach to communicating has endured for a century, touching millions and millions of readers. The only diploma that hangs in Warren Buffett’s office is his certificate from Dale Carnegie Training. Lee Iacocca credits Carnegie for giving him the courage to speak in public. Dilbert creator Scott Adams called Carnegie’s teachings “life-changing.”

In today’s world, where more and more of our communication takes place across wires and screens, Carnegie’s lessons have not only lasted but become all the more critical. Though he never could have predicted technology’s trajectory, Carnegie proves a wise and helpful teacher in this digital landscape. To demonstrate the many ways his lessons remain relevant, Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc., has reimagined his prescriptions and his advice for this difficult digital age. We may communicate today with different tools and with greater speed, but Carnegie’s advice on how to communicate, lead, and work efficiently remains priceless across the ages.

Back to TOP